we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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