i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
