you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
