every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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