Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
