Buhtt sex?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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