When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
