his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
