my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Terrible idea I love it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
