She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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