just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
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things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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