this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
