i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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