We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
