i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
