I wish my penis had an off switch
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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