Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
