ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Terrible idea I love it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
