After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
