Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
