they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
