y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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