Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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