I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
