Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
