I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
