i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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