i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
