The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize