I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
