Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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