i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
