I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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