Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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