2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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