We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Boobs speak an international language.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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