Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he told me I talked like a deaf person
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
