It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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