Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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