You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
