my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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