Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
