I didn't shave. On purpose
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
