My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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