theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
