Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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