I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
