i already hear my dad disowning me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
