Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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