im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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