You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
