I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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