You made me cry and you don't even care
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All the doctor said was why
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
