From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
