I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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