i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
