he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
