she woke up with a sticky ear
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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