she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
