Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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