but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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