At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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