drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
