Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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