I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
