This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.