I wanna bring you to show and tell
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She made me pour olive oil on her.