she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
me + whiskey = a bad person
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything