Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
