Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
