you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar