He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.