We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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