PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
