I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
